The Kardashian-Jenner clan now nearly has enough little kids running around to start its own baseball team.
But it’s not the sheer number of sons and daughters shared by Kourtney, Kim, Kylie and Rob that has the Internet abuzz.
It’s the names of these sons and daughters!
We mean no judgment at their expense, of course. They are cute and precious and they have no control over what they are called.
But we do mean to pass A LOT of judgment on their parents for these unique monikers.
Below, we rank the first names of these famous kids, from our absolute favorite to the one we still cannot believe is an actual name…
Penelope Disick
This is a nice, normal, very cute name. Do they call her “Penny?” We hope so. Thumbs up all around.
North West
First, the nickname “Nori” is sort of adorable. Second, the name may be ridiculous, but she is Kanye and Kim’s kid. Her whole life will be ridiculous. At least her parents leaned into it here.
Mason Disick
Strong name. Sounds sort of like a detective on a Shonda Rhimes drama, doesn’t it? Also, like the first two names listed here, not a terrible shortened nickname. Mace. We don’t hate it.
True Thompson
Khloe used this photo of a nursery to announce that her daughter is named True Thompson. Put aside her baby daddy’s cheating scandal and everything and… we don’t hate it! It’s alliterative and sort of catchy. And definitely unique… without making us ill. One thumb up!
Dream Kardashian
We guess? Any of the following names could go in almost any order at this point… and that’s not a compliment. We just fell off a pretty huge cliff of semi-normalcy.
Chicago West
Like we said, we’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel here… already. In this case, we’re relying again on the hope that she is really called “Chi,” which isn’t awful. And we’re giving Kanye some props for remembering when he comes from.
Saint West
Saint is not a name. It’s just not. It’s a designation. There’s no cute shortening of any kind available here and no way to spin the name except that it was a very transparent and lame attempt to be edgy.
Psalm West
Psalm is Kim and Kanye’s fourth child. This one has to be the worst because there’s no way to shorten it and make it cute.
Reign Disick
… and this one is even dumber! There’s also no shortening possibility and it’s not even spelled properly for such an obvious attempt, once again, to be weird and trendy. (See Wilson, Rainn) Is there any doubt that this is the one name that Kourtney let Scott pick out? Look at that face up above. She clearly hates her name.
Stormi Webster
The worst of the worst of the worst. We don’t just say this because Kylie appeared to be unaware that a porn star who also goes by this name apparently slept with Donald Trump many times. We say this because Stormi is a misspelled and ridiculous name. Wanna shorten it to “Storm?” No, of course you don’t!