On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days Season 6, Episode 8, couples faced two major obstacles.
The first was the transition from being together for the first time to seeing the other’s home. Life is not a vacation, and seeing a house is not like staying at a hotel.
The second obstacle was … each other. Couples sat down and faced off with their feelings.
Check out our full recap below, starting with the most painful and one-sided conflict of the night.
Meisha Johnson and Nicola Kanaan
Their segment begins innocuously enough, with Meisha asking Nicola why he has this somewhat oddly proportioned monkey stuffed animal in his car. The answer? He likes monkeys, Meisha. She says that she’s mostly enjoying her time with Nicola, but there are some red flags and issues that they need to resolve. That, it will soon prove, is an understatement.
They go to a Catholic village
Here, Nicola shows Meisha his church. It is a small Byzantine church. While it may have the resources for upkeep, its age is apparent. There is a stairway that is extremely narrow and somewhat hazardous — but it doesn’t seem like all of the church’s attendees make use of it. Nicola, however, is eager to show his potential future fiancee the view.
“The Sea of Galilee is there”
Nicola points out that the sea of Galilee is beyond the mountains in the distance, recalling that the body of water shows up in multiple stories of significance in their shared Catholic faith. This is a reminder of what he and Meisha have in common.
Nicola takes Meisha to meet Wasim
He almost immediately begins complaining about Meisha’s fondness for cats. There are, it seems,a lot of stray cats in this village. Meisha has found a truly adorable kitten. Nicola does not seem to like cats (that was clear even before they met), and he seemingly cannot help but gripe about Meisha as he introduces his best friend to her.
KITTY
Many of us would do the same, but not everyone would. (I’m allergic to cats but even I would be playing with the kitten) For the record, Wasim also plays with the kitten, petting the lil’ baby on his lap, but Nicola complains to the confessional camera that Meisha is petting a cat when meeting Wasim.
“Tarzan, I think he live better than that”
Seated between Wasim and Meisha, Nicola then complains about Meisha’s housekeeping skills. Don’t get us wrong, Meisha’s idea of unpacking in a hotel room means turning the entire place into a crowded walk-in closet that happens to have beds in it. It does seem miserable. But … we’re not her soon-to-be fiance, and we’re not introducing her to our bestie. Nicola is insulting her behind her back and to her face.
Saved by the wife
Wasim’s wife, May, comes along. It’s hard to find free time, as they have a young baby at home, but she wanted to meet Meisha too. Her arrival brought Nicola’s litany of complaints to an end … but only for a moment.
“She crazy me about my mom and my brother”
Nicola is once again calling Meisha “crazy” for wanting his family to know that she exists and who she is before they become engaged. It’s not like Nicola is no-contact with his family — he lives with his mom. But despite their 7-year relationship, he has hidden almost everything from his relatives. That doesn’t sit right with Meisha — and neither does him calling her “crazy” when she expresses her concerns.
Back at the hotel, Meisha tries to talk about it
After freshening up in the bathroom (Nicola said that he had “no smell” after their day out), Meisha speaks to him about her feelings. He has been hurting her feelings, repeatedly. Now, he’s doing it in front of others. It’s not just about embarrassment; it’s about him not being a good partner. And it’s about him not seeming to care about her feelings.
“You’re too emotional”
Nicola’s reaction is … not helpful. He also argues immediately (first to the camera) that she thinks that she’s right because she’s been in real relationships before, but that he doesn’t believe that he needs to change.
Meisha tries to explain
Tearfully, she explains that, in relationships, it’s important to be considerate of your partner. She tells him that she cannot simply tell him “mechanically” how to be an attentive and affectionate partner. He has to care enough about her to show it.
“You got hugs, Meisha”
Nicola seems to miss the point. But it also seems that perhaps he missed it on purpose. Instead, he has a list of complaints for Meisha.
“Maybe you need to change your attitude toward me”
Nicola complains about her (genuinely absurd) hotel unpacking mess and about how much time she spends putting on makeup. He makes it clear that he’s retaliating — and says that his previous silence made him akin to “Jesus on the cross.” Meisha tries to explain that if they cannot simply discuss their feelings without him feeling the need to turn things against her, then their relationship has no future. Nicola goes to shower.
Meisha has a lot to think about
Tearfully, she speaks to the camera about how this is not how she imagined that things would be like with Nicola.
Amanda Wilhelm and Razvan Ciocoi
It has been a hot minute since we heard anything from this hot-yet-awkward couple. Their communication issues are apparent, as Amanda is discovering that Razvan has a pod-style coffee maker … yet didn’t say anything when she picked out ground coffee. Amanda asks him what’s up with that.
Razvan has other things on his mind
He would really rather be making love “nonstop” with Amanda right now. It was how he imagined their time together would go. But, despite the still very visible hickey on his neck, that is not how things have gone down. Or, rather, not gone down.
“To be more intimate”
Razvan brings up his desire to take things to pound town. Amanda counters that she is now on her period. Some people with periods really enjoy sex during this time, but that is not universal.
Really?
While Razvan’s horniness is arguably endearing, he also points out the timeline. Amanda is only here in Romania for a limited time. They’ve been together for a few days with no sex. Now they’re going to go another several days without sex. What’s the plan, here?
“We’d like to return the bikini”
So, before Amanda arrived, Razvan bought her a bikini. It was not to her taste — she doesn’t like that type of top. So they return it to trade it in (there are no refunds, ti seems) for another. Fortunately, the one that she picks out as the replacement is (allegedly) one that he almost bought for her the first time.
“We can make three or four more”
After the clerk at the store expresses surprise that Amanda is a mom and compliments her for looking gorgeous for a mother of two, Razvan boasts that he and Amanda could have “three or four” more kids. Even if that were the plan, it would be weird to tell a store employee. But it’s also not the plan. At all.
Girl, what?
After Razvan’s odd comment, Amanda reminds him that she long ago (well, months ago — they’ve only known each other for four months) told him that she has not desire for more kids. She loves her two kids. That’s enough.
Amanda calls her sister
Viewers “met” Amber earlier in the season. She seems to be a sensible girl where her sisters is concerned, and has a more realistic idea of what this thing with Razvan is than Amanda does.
“How much hotter can he be in person?”
At first, the conversation is very positive and complimentary. Amanda gushes that Razvan is hotter than he was remotely, which takes Amber aback. The guy’s whole deal is that he’s hot on social media for money, but he’s hotter in person?
“How’s the sex?”
Amanda admits that they have not had sex yet. She wasn’t initially sure if she’d feel comfortable sharing a bed with him on their first night — though she did end up doing that. In her mind, she has a long time to figure out sex with Razvan. Meanwhile, Amber asks if part of it is that Amanda was only ever with Jason, her late husband, starting in her teens. Obviously, yes.
Amber makes a point
It seems to her that Amanda is interested in talking about “forever” with Razvan, but Amber hopes that this trip is just her having a good time with him. Amanda seems to really like the idea of him being her person. But she’s not comfortable sleeping with him. And she just lost her husband 8 months ago. We feel for Amanda and for Razvan — so far, there are no villains here. But some moments from this are tough to watch.
David and Sheila
After staying in a hotel, David is looking forward to meeting Sheila’s parents, her son, and seeing her home. He is anxious, however. He knows that things are not good, and that there was extensive damage from multiple disasters. Unfortunately, David does not have a full picture of what this will be like.
You only get to make one first impression
With that in mind, David has hired a translator. Aimee is young and clearly very bright. She learned ASL, the kind of sign language that David uses, in about one month. She can translate his signs for Sheila — and for her parents and son. Aimee will also translate everything that Sheila’s parents say into signs.
“I’m jealous”
In what seems to be a separate scene — or, at least, hours later, because it’s night — a crying Sheila confesses to the camera that she feels jealous. Aimee is a young and attractive woman, and Sheila worries that David will start crushing on her. However, she doesn’t want to tell him this. Honestly? It’s okay to have irrational jealousy sometimes. Sheila is thus far not making it a problem — for David or for Aimee. That’s a mature way to handle it.
En route, David hears what to expect
With Aimee translating for her, Sheila braces him for some things about the house. It is very hot and he will sweat. A lack of AC is pretty dire, but that is the least of this place’s problems. There is no traditional toilet, but instead a “chamber pot.” Fortunately, Aimee translates this as a “bucket,” which is more accurate.
David describes what he sees
When we first saw Sheila’s immediate surroundings, the comparison to shantytowns in video games did occur to us. David makes a similar comparison, though his type of video games are considerably more oldschool. The “extreme poverty” that we see on screen only describes part of the picture.
“It smells like feces and urine”
David describes channels of raw sewage exposed to the open air, which causes the entire area to smell this way. It is a horror that anyone would have to live this way for any reason.
“Dad, this is David”
Sheila introduces David to her father, Simplicio. He is either elderly or looks much older than he is. Possibly both. He struggles to feel comfortable speaking to David, despite the convenience of the interpreter.
“It’s so nice meeting you”
Sheila’s mother, Remedios, does not descend the precarious and all-too-narrow staircase (more of a ladder) from her room. This room has no roof, and instead has shower curtains that offer partial protection from the elements — but not from insects.
“Sheila’s living situation really breaks my heart”
David feels devastated for her and for her family. He also wishes that she had felt comfortable telling him everything before he got there. Clearly, she glossed over how truly unthinkably awful her living conditions have been.
Jhonreil comes by to say hello
Sheila’s 12-year-old son does not know ASL, but he comes by to meet David just like Sheila’s dad has.
David has a gift for him
It’s a sort of portable pinball machine. Buying a gift for a tween is hard enough without having to buy one for someone who lives in essentially post-apocalyptic circumstances. David went for a physical pinball machine. He really likes arcade games, and he hopes that Jhonreil will enjoy it.
“They’re adjusting to each other”
Beyond basic pleasantries and the gift, neither David nor Jhonreil seem to know what to say to the other. That’s awkward but fairly normal. They both love Sheila, but they don’t know each other yet.
“Sweet dreams”
David puts on a very brave face about sleeping on the floor with no privacy. They seem to be on a tarp. David found that the hotel was not as nice as he had hoped, but this is something that he had never imagined.
Gino Palazzolo and Jasmine Pineda
If one were to rank all of the 90 Day couples by who most needs couples therapy, Jasmine and Gino would either rank among the first or the last. Why? Because they need help … but maybe they just need to break up. Anyway, this toxic couple is headed to couples counseling.
Patricia Bentolila has her work cut out for her
She has agreed to film the show, clearly, but it’s unclear how much she knows about Jasmine and Gino going in to their first session.
By the way …
While what they’re saying in this moment doesn’t seem especially important, the tension of this confessional seems … extreme. Many people are in better moods when filming for the confessional camera, since that comes later. It will be interesting to watch their confessional sessions blow up later in the season.
Rejection
Jasmine voices her pain as Gino constantly rejects her advances. According to her, his rejection of her verbal and physical advances and their lack of a sex life — they have only had intercourse 7 times in two and a half years — contribute to their fights.
“I don’t reject her like that”
Gino outlandishly claims that he does not reject Jasmine as she describes. But we have all watched him do that again and again and again. He also says that their sex life has been better, but they still fought. How good could it have been if they’ve only boned a grand total of 7 times? Meanwhile, Gino also says that her insults do not make him want to have sex with her.
WHAT?
According to Jasmine, Gino expressed disgust at her genitals. Gino then explains that he was simply trying to talk to her, so he tried to discourage her from flashing her bits to him at that time. It feels like another rejection to Jasmine, who is very sensitive to rejection.
Here’s the advice
Gino and Jasmine cannot control each other. But they can control their own behavior, including how they respond to each other. They need to stay calm during confrontations … and Jasmine may have to sacrifice some aspect of her friendship with Dane if she’s committed to this relationship with Gino. Jasmine affirms that “no on matters to her” like Gino does.
But …
Jasmine also insults sex with Gino, saying that it is the “worst ever.” Gino points out that this is a great example of the kind of insults that she throws at him that don’t exactly encourage a healthy sex life.
“That vengeance feeling”
The therapist talks to them about how the desire to one-up or hurt your partner because they hurt you is not conducive to a healthy bond. Instead, they should love each other enough to overcome these conflicts.
Riley Attaway and Violet
Where we left off last week, Stephanie had just asked Violet some transparently prearranged questions on Riley’s behalf. Instead of telling Violet that she didn’t need to answer, Riley looked at her expectantly, demanding an answer. The question was about why Violet’s profile had continued to exist on a dating app after they got together, but that was sort of not the point. Riley turned this date night into an interrogation.
“I forgot password on the app”
Violet explained, after protesting, that she had forgotten the password. She’d deleted the app from her phone but could not access the profile to delete it. But, again, that sort of fell by the wayside after this ambush.
“You kill my feeling tonight”
Violet confronts Riley about how he has absolutely ruined the mood of their date.
She’s done
Even if it really was just Stephanie unilaterally asking her questions (obviously not), Riley should have spoken up for her — not against. So she’s done with him.
FINE
Riley does not handle this well. It seems like he was looking to start a fight, and he got one. In his mind, his friend — who is like family — asking her questions is just as fair as her family grilling him a little. But the context here is so, so different.
“I thought it was going to be a great night”
Violet feels very disappointed that Riley turned their date night into an interrogation.
“But he acted like a child, a psycho”
Violet does not mince words when describing Riley’s less than hinged behavior on what should have been a romantic date.
“Instead of interrogating me like a cop”
There is a time and a place to ask hard questions about your relationship. A date night is not one of them. Not like this, anyway.
Statler Riley and Dempsey Wilkinson
“I’m happy I’m here with you,” Dempsey assures Riley during their ride back to the hotel.
Presents time!
We have all seen gift-giving go over well or terribly on this franchise. But Dempsey’s gifts for Statler are the furthest thing from Gino’s toothbrush fiasco. In fact, insect-lover Statler can tell what they are before she even opens the package.
Bugs!
A mix of insects and one arachnid, this array of preserved arthropods comes all of the way from Thailand, where Dempsey had been vacationing.
Statler’s gift is not too different
Hers is a piece of art, almost like jewelry, in the shape of a praying mantis. That is just too cute.
“Definitely time to sleep”
Dempsey explains that she has no plans to sleep with Statler in anything but the literal sense tonight. Hey, everybody is ready for sex in their own good time. Besides, Dempsey just had a long flight, and Statler was just battling illness (from a parasite, no less). Goodnight, ladies!
Oh?
The next morning, the ladies are very friendly when the production crew arrives.
The night went well
They shared an awkward first kiss, which evolved into something more, and they ended up having sex. Statler is singing the praises of Dempsey and crediting her vegan diet. Diet definitely has a strong influence over a partner’s flavor, that’s true enough.
Why the change of heart?
Dempsey explains that it happened very naturally. She also acknowledges that she feels a little concerned that Statler is so worldly and experienced and kinky in comparison (she mentions “chains” and some impact play as part of Statler’s background) that they might not be fully compatible. Only time will tell.
Breakfast arrives
We don’t think that Dempsey was intending to punish Statler by ordering an English breakfast, but it’s hard to view a plate like that as a friendly gesture. Enough jokes at how gross many of the UK’s most infamous dishes are, however. It’s time to go home!
Dempsey is not from nearby
She is from about two HOURS from the city. In the UK, it’s not all that unusual for someone to consider a 40 minute drive a dealbreaker, so this is a long distance. It also relates to their compatibility questions. Statler is a city girl, and Dempsey is in the middle of nowhere. (Dempsey does not explain how or where she gets her food … perhaps we’ll find out soon)
They arrive at night
Dempsey has been referring to her home as a “caravan.” Trailer. It’s a trailer. I was straight-up picturing a large RV at first, but it’s a trailer home that is fully decorated but not fully usable.
The decor is really cute
Dempsey’s home has exactly the decorations that you would expect — soft colors, some gently spiritual vibes to some decor, and a lot of light. It is also a very small place, where the decorated “spare room” seems to just be a walk-in closet large enough to fit a small bed.
Oops
You know how Statler was having major bathroom issues? Well, the plumbing isn’t complete yet. So the toilets are for urine-only. There’s a place nearby with an actually functional bathroom, but Statler is a little on edge because of this.
Still, they’re happy to be together.
The two share a kiss. But Statler hasn’t told Dempsey that she’s considering moving here permanently. And seeing this place, she’s not sure that Dempsey has literal room for her — even if they’re perfectly compatible.