Many reality stars have prompted the question, is this person on drugs?
So in that respect, Jenelle Evans has a lot of company.
But in one important way, the Carolina Hurricane is in a class of her own:
Not only do we know for a fact that she’s on drugs, we know her substance abuse is so severe that many who know her best are amazed she’s not dead or in prison.
Jenelle has admitted to smoking pot while pregnant; she’s been imprisoned for possession on countless occasions; and she’s nearly lost her life to overdoses.
Needless to say, Jenelle’s drug dealer is one of the most important people in her life, and now, for the first time, we get to meet this elusive figure.
The Substance Lover
Pills, pot, other drugs normal people have never even heard of that also start with “p” … you name it, Jenelle’s done it.
Partners In Crime
Jenelle and David both seem to enjoy getting faded, which is one of the very few things that makes their marriage “work.”
Life on the Land
Unfortunately, Jenelle and David also live in the middle of freakin’ nowhere, which can create problems for people who enjoy illicit substances.
Making It Work
But the Easons have apparently discovered a solution. It seems their neighborhood features a drug delivery system.
Eco-Friendly
As a bonus, the friendly neighborhood dopeman even gets around via bicycle. No carbon footprint here!
The Stranger in the Woods
But like all mythical creatures, Jenelle and David’s dealer is seldom seen by mere mortals — which is why it’s so exciting that two locals recently caught a glimpse of the elusive beast …
Dealer Sighting
In a vlog entry hilariously titled “‘Drug Dealer’ of Jenelle Evans / David Eason Allegedly Approaches Motorist,” a North Carolina YouTube user detailed her shocking encounter with the pusher.
The Big Moment
Here’s the video of her encounter with Jenelle and David’s supplier. He’s pretty much exactly what you would expect.
Something For Everyone
It’s tough to decide what’s funnier here, the dude’s voice, or the running commentary detailing the encounter.
Total Shock
“I’m in total shock,” says the woman shooting the video. “We just met Jenelle Evans and her husband’s drug dealer.”
Well, We Know He Likes One Kind of Crop…
“He’s in his twenties,” the narrator continues. “Looks like he’s from freakin’ Children of the Corn.”
We Shall Call Him Malachi
We don’t get a terribly good look at the guy, but based on what we can hear of his voice, he might be MUCH scarier than anything in Children of the Corn.
Local Yokel
“Y’all going to David and Jenelle’s? You better hurry up; they’re about to close that gate there,” the dealer says in his best Cletus from The Simpsons impression.
A Variety of Options
“What y’all looking for?” the dealer asks. “I got eighths or quarters.” It’s then that the vlogger informs the guy that he’s got the wrong people.
Welp, See Ya Later!
“I gotta go, I gotta go,” the dealer blurts out before presumably speeding away on his Huffy.
Deal or No Deal
As many YouTube commenters pointed out, it sounded as though the guy only had weed for sale.
Problem?
Since no one who’s not named Jeff Sessions really has a problem with pot in 2018, this normally wouldn’t be a big deal. But Jenelle’s a special case.
Jenelle In a Cell
Jenelle has been arrested literally dozens of times. She’s been on probation most of her adult life, and her substance abuse issues are well-documented.
Can’t Hold Her Down
So for her kids’ sake, Jenelle should probably just play it safe and stay completely sober. But it doesn’t look like that’ll be happening anytime soon.