Jay Feely is a former football player who is making the rounds on Twitter for a reason wholly unrelated to sports.
It is Prom Season, which means that social media is full of prom photos. In this case, the photo is intensely controversial.
Feely poses between his daughter and her boyfriend. While holding a gun.
The picture is clearly staged. The gun is not loaded. The threat is not real. And everyone involved knows that. But that doesn’t mean that the photo was okay.
For one thing, as his critics explain, the optics of holding a gun to threaten a high school student these days … it just doesn’t go over well.
For another, and this is arguably more important, even though Feely is joking, his joke plays into the age-old tradition of fathers asserting what many view as “ownership” over their daughters and of their daughters’ sexuality.
It’s probably true that Feely never meant to ignite that kind of controversy or insult his daughter or in any way threaten his daughter’s boyfriend.
But he put up the photo and it is still up — along with his apology.
This is the tweet that started it all
There is much more going on here than the presence of a gun, but the gun definitely brought some extra attention.
It’s Prom Season, so it’s also the season for … this
Shannon Watts is the founder of Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America, and she clearly doesn’t see this as a laughing matter.
But the controversy is about so much more than guns
Daughters are not their father’s property. They are, in fact, real people, with their own desires and everything.
Some were more moderate
A lot of controversies are stupid, but this one involves a gun, high school students, and some unhealthy cultural norms. Isn’t it okay for people to speak up?
That one received a reply
That’s something that hadn’t even crossed a lot of people’s minds. It’s a good point.
One person offered a “translation” of Freely’s tweet
This isn’t necessarily true of Freely, of course. But that is part of the culture behind the stereotypical “prom threats.”
One woman pulled out some very sad receipts
Some people don’t understand why their “jokes” aren’t well-received. News headlines should make that clear.
Someone came to Feely’s defense
We absolutely understand why this joke didn’t fill her with mirth.
Another defender dismissed it as a joke
Considering how many innocents die under a hail of gunfire every year — every week, it seems — people find it harder and harder to laugh when a gun is part of the punchline.
But the gun is not the most important part of this
As many people explained (sometimes to deaf ears, sometimes to people who hadn’t thought of it), the issue was the implication of ownership and of threats.
It’s worth talking about the boy, however
A lot of parents would be fill of rage and fear to learn that their son had been threatened — even jokingly — by his girlfriend’s parents.
But the implied ownership of his daughter continues to be an issue
Feely didn’t invent the “tradition” of threatening his daughter’s boyfriend. That is sadly part of a long-standing, toxic tradition.
Feely’s daughter is her own person
Some point out that maybe men who make these threats — jokingly or seriously — are trying to warn off would-be rapists.
One person shared a heartbreaking story
Again, when people make “jokes” that aren’t well-received, they should consider that people who have lived through the real thing don’t find it funny.
Feely has apologized
The original photo remains up. It is difficult to tell whether he understands why it was controversial or if he simply wants the controversy to die down.