Perhaps you sometimes find yourself wondering what Farrah Abraham is up to in the months since she was fired from Teen Mom OG.
But probably not, as Farrah still makes tabloid headlines about once a week, usually for punching someone, getting sued, or getting sued for punching someone.
Of course, that still leaves the question of how Farrah is supporting herself these days.
She has numerous business ventures, but those are failing fast.
Farrah has already closed her two clothing stores in Austin, Texas this year.
Fortunately, she landed on her feet with a new gig that’s at once hilariously appropriate and the thing that Farrah is least qualified for out of every job in the world.
Take a look:
The Book of Abraham
With all her many side gigs, you may have forgotten that Farrah once considered herself an author.
Yes, Really
Obviously, this is hilarious, as Farrah is barely able to string two sentences together.
Salad Tosser
Her social media followers regularly describe Farrah’s nonsensical way of speaking as “word salad,” and it’s often impossible to understand what the hell Ms. Abraham is trying to say.
The Endtimes Are Here
Which is why it’s interesting — and possibly a sign of the Apocalypse — that Farrah has been hired by Penthouse to work as the magazine’s book critic.
To Be Fair …
It may be hard to believe that Farrah has even read a book, but in fact, she’s “written” four.
They Get It
And it seems the folks at Penthouse have a thorough understanding of how hilarious the situation is. How do we know?
Didion’s Bible
Well, for her first piece, Farrah was not assigned some sticky piece of reality TV-themed erotica, but rather, author Joan Didion’s classic collection of essays, Slouching Toward Bethlehem.
Editor’s Note
As The Ashley’s Reality Roundup points out, there’s simply no way that Farrah penned the review that she’s been credited with, but we’ll continue to refer to the author of the piece as “Farrah” throughout this article.
The Hilarity Begins
“As a devout reader, I believe women should write their life stories because most journeys teach valuable lessons,†Farrah opens.
Oh No She Didn’t
From there, she throws some major shade at the subject of her piece, writing, “But if you want consumers to trust you, you probably should avoid starting a book with your gin issues. Journalist and screenwriter Joan Didion apparently never received this message.â€Â
Some Perspective
As The Ashley points out, Farrah’s contributions to the literary world include a handful of sh-tty romance novels and a memoir that goes into great detail about the consistency of her baby daddy’s jizz. Just sayin’.
So Bad It’s ALMOST Good
“If you’re looking to find out what not to do as a writer, this is a great book for you. Over the course of twenty essays, Didion describes her life in Los Angeles during the sixties,” Farrah continues.
Give Us Strength
“She jumps from year to year, often for no rhyme or reason,” Abraham writes. “The non-linear structure confuses me. I had to wonder, ‘Was Didion even trying when she wrote this junk?’â€Â
The Irony
“I suspect Didion wrote many half-truths because she prides herself on her diva behavior,” Farrah blathers on.
Finally, a Topic She Understands
“At one point, Didion brags about her missed deadlines. Who does that? If Didion behaved this way on a reality tv set, she would be fired for unprofessionalism,” Abraham writes.
We Need a Second
Yes, Farrah freakin’ Abraham just accused Joan Didion of bad writing, diva-like behavior, and unprofessionalism. Let that sink in.
Buckle Up
But it’s possible that nothing is more absurd or unintentionally hilarious than the conclusion of Farrah’s piece.
Unreal
“If you’re looking for a book that discusses real issues, you are better off picking up my memoir, My Teenage Dream Ended,†Farrah concludes. “My life story is closer to the truth of life.â€Â
Makes Sense
In retrospect, we’re not surprised that Farrah slammed a vastly superior writer, or even that she shamelessly plugged her own book.
The Boxer
After all, she’s facing numerous lawsuits and recently had a judgment against her for backing out of a celebrity boxing match at the last second.
The Shocker
Really, all we’re surprised with is that Penthouse is trying to pass this off as Farrah’s writing. Really, how stupid do they think we are?