Sunday night was a huge night for television, for better or for worse.
The good news is that 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After? wasn’t a poorly written mess, because it’s not a scripted show.
It was just a mess.
Russ and Elizabeth are both keeping huge secrets from their respective spouses.
Nicole and Ashley are still dealing — very differently — with ongoing fallout from cheating drama.
Pedro is bugging out of the US to visit his family, which is making Chantel afraid that their marriage will end.
And Larissa has simple demands — she wants money from Coltee. Not much — just one million dollars.
Here’s how it all played out.
Colt and Larissa
We have to start with their nightmare marriage, and we also have to note that whoever is advising Colt on how to dress or choosing his clothes is not … doing him any favors. We’re not body-shaming him, but he is on camera. Larissa, in the scenes where she speaks to the camera, looks great. The only problem is when these two talk.
Larissa has one thing on her mind
Obviously, we know that the show is famously heavily edited. But on Sunday night’s episode, Larissa wants to get lip fillers. She also wants Colt to pay for them. She explains to him that she’ll feel more motivated to give him oral sex if she has them.
She wants more than that, though
Larissa lists examples of things that she wants and … we have to wonder if she’s struggling with conversion rates. And also missing some other glaring signs that Coltee is not rich. A guy’s car not having AC doesn’t mean that he’s a bum, but it probably means that he’s not going to drop four figures on a purse.
They decide on a monthly allowance
Larissa states that she’d like a million dollars, but acknowledges that she needs to temper her expectations significantly.
They do a bit of haggling
Larissa suggests $1000, Colt shoots her down. She then says $300, and Colt appears to suggest that she can go above that for a monthly allowance on a prepaid card. Larissa very quickly says $200, to which Colt agrees. This is straight out of cartoon haggling. We kept expecting Bugs Bunny to show up as their waiter.
They also drop a teeny tiny bombshell
Larissa says that Colt told her that he had $10,000 in savings back when they were chatting, before she came to the US. She asks where that money is, now. We’re tempted to just joke about his notoriously expensive porn habit, but months after this was filmed, Larissa showed screenshots of Colt (allegedly) withdrawing thousands from a shared account of theirs. So … did he hide money from her even before their marriage?
Chantel and Pedro
Chantel is not crazy about Pedro going to see his family in the Dominican Republic, and she makes it known that she, at the very least, wants him to stand up for her when they inevitably say negative things about her. Pedro is going away for a MONTH. Chantel has real fears that she could lose her marriage.
Pedro asks how he can defender her …
Folks, this is not a fun way to talk to your wife, and we would not recommend it. Pedro isn’t just being defensive of his family, here, he’s going on the attack, saying that his family’s claims about Chantel are true, and therefore he can’t defend her. Yikes.
They accuse each other of hypocrisy
They both have families who aren’t fond of the other. Neither of them necessarily bend over backwards to defend the other. It’s hard to see how a month apart is going to help their relationship. We’ll find out.
Chantel has had enough
She calls Pedro an “a–hole” because, she says, he is acting like one. Pedro feels angry and honestly looks hurt as a result. This is inauspicious before Pedro prepares fo leave for so long that some would consider it an informal separation.
Elizabeth and Andrei
Remember the drama from last week, how Elizabeth’s dad was annoyed that Andrei hadn’t kept up his end of the bargain by doing upkeep on the house in which they were living, rent free?
They thought of the PERFECT solution …
They’ll just move! That’s right, they’ll start paying rent at a new place instead of staying in a family-owned house, for free, so that Andrei doesn’t have to have his man-pride injured by feeling beholden to his Father-in-Law.
How can they afford to move out?
Well, Elizabeth borrowed money … from her dad. There’s no shame in getting a loan (or gift) from a parent, but it seems bizarre and deeply illogical.
Oh, and it’s a secret
Elizabeth borrowed the money from her dad, but she told Andrei that she got some “bonuses” at work, which he appeared to believe.
Speaking of Andrei
He doesn’t have the requisite experience to be a full-time truck driver, so his career dreams are shot. Now he’s decided that he wants to become a handyman. We somehow foresee Elizabeth getting some more support from her dad in the future.
Russ and Paola
Last week was Pao’s baby shower, for which she was an hour (or so) late. But that was not the end of her interactions with Russ’ family
It’s time to bond with her mother-in-law
Russ did some work behind-the-scenes, laying the groundwork for a stronger relationship to form. Honestly? Pao and Mama Mayfield seemed to get along really well in person. Maybe they’re both just polite on camera.
Russ’ dad admitted his misgivings
He hadn’t thought that they’d work out, and he had been surprised that Pao had stuck with Russ through thick and thin. He says that they argue as much as they do because they married too quickly.
So Pao and her MIL are getting along
But she still, still does not want to reside in Oklahoma on a permanent basis. Yeah, that’s fair. And Russ is still keeping his OK job offer a secret from her. How long does he think that he can put off telling her?
Nicole and Azan
It’s hard to live happily ever after when you’re in different countries, separated by an ocean. But they’re trying their best, and Nicole PROMISES that marrying Azan is still the plan.
She’s preparing to see him in Grenada, in fact
“My dad basically said ‘I’m happy that you didn’t get married,’†Nicole laments to the camera. “I hate defending my love to my family.”
Azan’s past has come back to haunt Nicole
She sits down with a friend, and the subject of Azan’s past infidelity comes up. It is far from her favorite subject — in fact, she becomes visibly uncomfortable at the topic.
But she says that it’s handled and it’s all behind her
She’s trying to look forward to the future, and — for better or for worse — she’s not going to let any concern from loved ones get in the way of that.
Ashley and Jay
Yes, they’re still dealing with the aftermath of Jay’s cheating scandal. They’ve been fighting so much that they just need some time apart.
Ashley is on a Girls Trip
She and some friends went to New York, where Ashley is still moping about Jay’s cheating. She even worries that he’ll get revenge on her (for going on this trip) by cheating again. This is just … not healthy for anyone involved.
And it gets worse
Ashley talks about the girl whom Jay found on Tinder. We say “girl” because, though 18, she was a high school senior. (Yes, we know that Jay is 20, making an 18-year-old a peer, part of the “classmate age group,” and age-appropriate. But while no one should cheat on their spouse, they REALLY shouldn’t do so with a high school student)
It’s clear that this is really getting to her
She’s not just angry — though she admits that everything that Jay does pisses her off, which is not a good sign. She has underlying insecurities. Ashley is concerned that this 18-year-old doesn’t even look like her. We hate to psychoanalyze, but it sounds like she internalized his cheating and thought that maybe he didn’t think she was sexy enough, rather than just being selfish and horny.
Ashley then makes a bonkers choice
She calls the girl — the 18-year-old. Like a normal person, this girl doesn’t answer a random call, because it’s not 1998 and also this girl was not alive in 1998, which makes some of us feel monumentally ancient. Anyway, Ashley left her a voicemail, which is a wild choice, and clearly does not feel the resolution that she seeks.