90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After? continues with major transitions, some medical worries, and a lot of control issues.
Season 5 has brought back some of the franchise’s most dramatic couples, and it shows.
Larissa Lima has a blind date. Kalani and Asuelu plan for a trip that they may want to postpone.
Tania and Syngin struggle with themselves and each other.
The real highlight was Paul and Karine’s inadvertent reenactment of Kalani and Asuelu’s infamous car scene.
The only thing missing was fingers caked in cheeto dust.
Paul and Karine Staehle
This (in)famous 90 Day Fiance couple is in the process of moving, and it is a huge milestone.
This is Karine’s first time heading to the US
Though she is willing to give Paul’s hometown a chance, she is admittedly sad because she will miss her family.
This is a big change for her
As we know, Karine is very attached to her family. Honestly, there are other issues, such as the drama that she and Paul have had throughout their relationship, and the fact that she and Paul are still using translation apps.
Meanwhile, Paul is packing
They have spent years in Brazil at this point, so he is loading up the van. They arrive safely in America, but drama already spikes on their first drive from the airport.
Flashback, anyone?
Remember the scene when Kalani stressed out because Asuelu had removed their baby from his carseat during the drive, which is a dangerous thing to do? Well, this time it was Paul freaking out while Karine took baby Pierre out of his carseat to nurse.
Paul couldn’t take it
Though his safety concerns were reasonable, from the edit that aired, it’s not clear if Paul adequately communicated this to Karine. Meanwhile, Paul’s mom repeatedly demanded that he “shut up” and called him an “idiot” multiple times and also said that THIS was why she couldn’t have him living with her. Sometimes you see somebody’s parent and realize exactly how they became who they are.
Crisis averted
Karine returned Pierre to his carseat while they approached the hotel … but Paul ended up exiting the car and storming off in a dramatic huff. We wish that we could believe that this was just playing things up for the camera, but … Paul just seems to have a gift for drama. Mommy Dearest then declared that he is a “drama king.”
Karine has real worries
They’re staying at a hotel, not at his mom’s house, and she has concerns that Paul will not be able to provide for them.
Colt Johnson
Larissa’s creepy ex-husband is still in Chicago to see his girlfriend, Jess Caroline, yet another Brazilian model.
There was tension the night before
Colt had demanded that Jess spend all of her time with him, pressuring her to skip a party with her friends to soothe his ego. It’s a classic way for a douchecanoe to test how much he can control a new girlfriend with emotional manipulation.
So they go for a walk
Jess wants to address the red flags that she has seen in Colt’s behavior in order to see a “new Colt.” Colt wants to save face with her and, more importantly, with viewers.
He pours on the smarm
Colt tries to have this awkward heart-to-heart despite the significant language barrier and it’s all kinds of awkward.
Jess speaks up
She says that, because she enjoys partying, he needs to understand compromise for this relationship to work out Sometimes she will spend time with him, other times with her friends. This is reasonable.
They agree … sort of
It’s hard to tell between the language barrier and the show’s editing, but it sounds like they both hear from the other what they WANT to hear and just decide to move forward.
Jess’ feelings make sense
She does not want for Colt to control her. Notably, like Larissa, she has gone on to describe Colt as emotionally manipulative and playing mind games.
For now …
Colt and Jess kiss and make up and make the most of his remaining time in Chicago by doing a dance that will haunt our dreams for forty years or more.
Kalani Faagata and Asuelu Pulaa
These two are gearing up for a trip to Samoa — at least, that is what Asuelu hopes to see. He is homesick, clearly.
Asuelu wants his kids to see his culture
While they are too young for a family vacation to mean anything at all to them, this seems like it may be Asuelu’s excuse to visit.
There is some subtext at play
Asuelu’s concerns about his family are also financial. He sends them money. Kalani sends them money and buys them things, including livestock. But it sounds like they are still in need, as Asuelu hears from his sister.
He promises to help
Asuelu does not have anything close to the amount of money that his sister seems to imagine, so it is unclear of how he will keep that promise.
But can they even visit Samoa?
Measles, which was once nearly extinct, was having an outbreak in Samoa as part of its recent resurgence brought about by anti-vaccination lunatics. They need to get their youngest son vaccinated — but is he too young for that vaccine?
Wisely, they ask their pediatrician
Kennedy is old enough to be vaccinated for measles, they learn, which is great! Unfortunately for Asuelu’s plans of a family reunion, the doctor says that it’s still inadvisable for them to travel to Samoa during this outbreak. Waiting will keep their kids safest.
Larissa Lima
She’s prepping for her blind date
Larissa’s friend Hannah (who also gives her an electrostim ab treatment, so they may be more professional friends, but whatever) has set her up with a mystery man, Matt.
Larissa has been stressed
So even if this date does not end up setting her up with the man of her dreams, it will be good to get out of the house.
She has had some real struggles
Larissa is working to remain in the US, but a bitter breakup after 7 months of marriage along with her dubious arrests … well, it’s an uphill battle.
And dating is hard
So many men in Las Vegas write about how they like tacos and hiking on their Tinder profiles. Larissa, relatably, does not want to go hiking with anyone.
Less relatably …
… Larissa says that she doesn’t want to date men who like hiking because it’s a “cheap date.” For whatever reason, she seems to prioritize men who like flashy displays of wealth — or at least men who like to buy dinner.
So, for the blind date
Matt is her blind date. I have to say, he looks a little like a cross between a soap opera villain (not an insult; soap opera villains are cast for their nefarious appeal) and 90 Day Fiance blogger John Yates. Maybe I just had all things 90 Day Fiance on the brain, but the resemblance was a little uncanny.
He gave her a card
Larissa likes to receive thoughtful gestures that are symbols of affection — infamously, this includes flowers. Matt gave her a first date card and it was sweet and thoughtful.
The date went (mostly) well
Matt noted that Larissa had many of the qualities that he is looking for in a companion.
Larissa seemed to take a shine to Matt
We only saw bits and pieces of the date, which had to be awkward because it was a blind date on camera, but it seemed to go just fine.
Except …
Larissa acknowledged having kids back in Brazil. She also had trouble explaining Colt’s name to Matt, because she pronounces it Coltee.
Also …
Matt had concerns that Larissa may be looking more for legal residency in the US than for a partner.
After the fact
Larissa chills out with Hannah, telling her that the date was good but there were no “sparks.” Meanwhile, she realizes that she owes it to Jess to reach out and warn her of what Colt is really like.
Elizabeth Potthast and Andrei Castravet
Now that Elizabeth’s extremely patient father, Chuck, has agreed to pay for her Moldovan wedding, they actually have to plan things.
Well, Andrei is planning things
We guess that since Chuck is forking the bill, Andrei will spare no expense.
They chat with Andrei’s parents
By all accounts, Andrei’s dad is a great guy who made a good impression upon viewers last time, so it’s unclear of how Andrei got to be the ogre that he is.
Elizabeth has concerns
How will her sisters navigate Moldova, where they have never been? They themselves asked Elizabeth these questions and more. Andrei brushes off these concerns, saying that her sisters have money and can simply hire translators.
He is missing the point
Elizabeth explains that she knows that Andrei and her sisters do not like each other, but that she hopes that this can be an opportunity for change.
This is her dream:
Elizabeth hopes that the trip to Moldova could be a time for her sisters to bond with Andrei. She has this fantasy of him showing them around, pointing out places with his big muscley arms. As it turns out, having babies themselves, they cannot come at all given the time that Andrei has chosen for the trip. And they worry that Andrei did this deliberately.
Also
Elizabeth needs a new wedding dress for her Moldovan wedding, and it has to be almost comically modest. Seriously, she can’t even be sleeveless. She ends up wearing a faux fur cover-up, which her family is polite enough to praise instead of pointing out that it looks like bad Game of Thrones cosplay.
Elizabeth’s mom speaks
Pamela has real concerns that Elizabeth is bending over backwards for Andrei, who refuses to even get a job working for her dad despite him begging him to take it, to the point where she is not being herself at her own second wedding. That’s a fair point.
Tania Maduro and Syngin Colchester
Tania’s long recovery from a dangerous car crash means that Syngin not only has to help her around the house, but he also has to work to support them.
Tania needs a lot of help
She has to ask Syngin to help pick out clothes for her. She also needs his help to shower. It is an undignified nightmare that countless disabled folks endure day after day.
Syngin has to get a job
He knows that Tania has real concerns about his drinking and his job history, but he vows that he can land a job and not screw it up as he has in the past.
As for Tania
The doctor tells her that she will need to keep the cast on for another three months, so this is not a short term situation. She also notes that she expects that serious arthritis will set in for her eventually.
Syngin interviews at an Irish Pub
He comes home less than confident that he got the new job. That’s okay, there are other bars. Unfortunately …
He’s drunk
Tania’s concerns seem to be realized, especially when he starts giving her a hard time and seeming to not listen when she talks about her injury and concerns about mobility issues.
Angela Deem
Angela is dealing with multiple issues, including sitting down with her attorney to discuss the idea of a will — because right now, Michael stands to inherit everything if Angela passes away.
That is not unrealistic
Angela’s age is only one factor. She has been told that she may have uterine cancer. Even the thought of that reality should mean that anyone should give real thought to what happens to their property when they pass away.
There’s also a red flag
Michael did not receive a spousal visa, so Angela is worried that there is something in his background that caused the government to deny the visa. But what could it be?
As for her family
Angela tries to convince her daughter, Skyla, to be a witness at her wedding. She cannot take off work or leave her kids or her grandmother — especially not to witness a wedding that she does not support.