The following movies didn’t merely receive a thumbs down from our staff.
They received a thumbs WAY, WAY, WAY, WAY down.
These films simply sucked in 2017.
Do you agree?
The Emoji Movie
“Make no mistake, The Emoji Movie is very, very, very bad (we’re talking about a hyperactive piece of corporate propaganda in which Spotify saves the world and Sir Patrick Stewart voices a living turd), but real life is just too hard to compete with right now.” – David Ehrlich, IndieWire.
Jigsaw
“[it] is one of the better films in the franchise. Unfortunately, that’s not saying much.” – Germain Lussier, io9.
The Layover
“I’d say it’s more like an excruciating, embarrassing, profoundly unfunny, poorly shot and astonishingly tone-deaf screech-fest featuring some of the least charismatic performances this side of one of those dreadful ‘reality’ shows in which over-injected women always seem to be yelling at one another while pouring wine or throwing wine at one another.” – Richard Roeper, Chicago Sun Times.
Fifty Shades Darker
“Lacking enough chemistry heat or narrative friction to satisfy, the limp Fifty Shades Darker wants to be kinky but only serves as its own form of punishment.” – Rotten Tomatoes.
Rings
“Opts for lazy jump scares and a convoluted origins story no one asked for or needed.” – Alex Gilyadov, IGN.
CHiPs
“The film’s model is—or should have been—the movie version of 21 Jump Street and its sequel, but the co-directors of those bumptious nihilistic undercover burlesques, Phil Lord and Christopher Miller, knew how to turn comedy into suspense and thrills into media-mad absurdity. Shepard just sprinkles overstated banter onto a generic plot and bits of pedal-to-the-metal action, as if he was serving the action-comedy gods by sticking the usual ingredients in a blender and pushing ‘purée.'” – Owen Gleiberman, Variety.
Kidnap
“Kidnap strays into poorly scripted exploitation too often to take advantage of its pulpy premise – or the still-impressive talents of its committed star.” – Rotten Tomatoes.
The Bye Bye Man
“on top of the general hoariness, this is also an uncommonly, at times unbelievably inept movie; from its acting to its script to most of its technical aspects, it feels barely fit for the big screen. The Bye Bye Man is so bad, in fact, that it retroactively improves the half-assed Hollywood horror that it’d be lucky to better resemble.” – A. A. Dowd – The A.V. Club.
The Snowman Still
“There’s probably a good movie or several buried in the frigid wilds of Nesbø’s fiction, and with more time and cultural nuance and fewer cooks in the kitchen, it might well be realized. Watching this bungled slopsicle of a movie, it’s hard not to conclude that somebody let the wrong one in.” – Justin Chang, The Los Angeles Times.
The Book of Henry
“There’s the kind of bad movie that just sits there, unfolding with grimly predictable monotony. Then there’s the kind where the badness expands and metastasizes, taking on a jaw-dropping life of its own, pushing through to ever-higher levels of garishness. The Book of Henry … is of the latter, you’ve-got-to-see-it-to-disbelieve-it variety.” – Owen Gleiberman, Variety.
Flatliners
“A fright-free fiasco. This update of a silly 1990 Julia Roberts thriller is even more witless and stupefyingly dull than the original.” – Peter Travers, Rolling Stone.
Geostorm
“Watching Gerard Butler solve a whodunit is like watching … chimpanzees move a piano downstairs: a kind of teeth-baring, flea-picking burlesque of recognisable human behaviour that’s funny for a while until you start to worry about the ethics of it.” – Robbie Collin, Daily Telegraph.
The Space Between Us
“By the time you get to the money shot of two lovers kissing in zero gravity, you’ll either be deep in this movie’s pocket or have fallen into a diabetic coma.” – David Fear, Rolling Stone.