The good news for a man living in Bangkok this week?
At one point, he could say in all seriousness that he has a python between his legs.
The bad news for a man living in Bangkok this week?
That’s because he had an ACTUAL PYTHON BETWEEN HIS LEGS.
All men should be warned that they may not wish to read any further…
According to the Thai English-language news site Khaosod English, the man (named Atthaporn Boonmakchuay) was sitting down and doing his usual business at home …
…. when a giant snake emerged through the bowl and chomped down on his unit.
(Seriously, fellas, we tried to warn you.)
The python refused to let go, so the man yelled for his wife to get a rope.
From there, he managed to tie the snake’s head to the bathroom door and remove himself from the situation “before he passed out from loss of blood,” the website wrote.
The man was taken to the hospital and placed in stable condition.
As you can actually see in the following video, the massive snake remained alive when it was taken from the home, still stuck in the pipe and bathroom fixture.
Workers eventually smashed these appliances in order to free the python, which was expected to be released back into the wild.
We going to go throw up for hours on end now…