Amber Portwood has never been great, you know?
Like it’s been nearly ten years since the first time she was arrested for domestic violence, and she’s currently on probation for doing it again.
It’s bad. It’s all bad. Really, really bad.
In addition to the domestic violence, Amber also has a bad habit of staying on Instagram Live for hours going off about any old thing.
That’s what she did today, and man live, some (or pretty much all) of the things she said in real time were really just unbearable.
Unfortunately for us, we listened to every last word of it. This was a time in our lives we will never get back. But for you all at home?
We’ve got the crazy rundown for you. And it is crazy.
The Beginning
Amber Portwood has messed up a lot in her life. This is not news to longtime card-carrying members of Teen Mom Nation. But she really, really screwed herself over on the night of the Fourth of July, Two Thousand Nineteen.
Amber, Amber, Amber …
You’ve heard the story, and you may have heard the audio which was leaked more recently, but the long and short of it is this: Basically, Amber went off on the father of her son James, Andrew Glennon, because they weren’t able to see some fireworks, and she went off HARD.
Man Oh Man
Andrew has said that she beat him with a shoe, and that later she threatened to kill herself and then chased him with a machete, all while he was holding their one-year-old son.
The Arrest
He sent a text to 911, police arrived and arrested her, and then the next phase of his mess began: the court battle.
Good for Him
Andrew went for sole custody and he also got a no contact order against Amber.
Wow
He even started opening up about what his relationship with Amber had been like … and it wasn’t pretty.
Such a Nightmare
Several recordings were released in which Amber could be heard saying awful things to Andrew — she called him names, threatened to kill him, and in one we even heard her hitting him.
Sentencing
After a few months, the court stuff finally wrapped up. Amber took a plea deal, and she was sentenced to right around two and a half years of probation.
Again, Good
From what we’ve heard, the probation sounds pretty strict. She’s not allowed to leave the state, she has to have random drug tests at least once a month, and she has to undergo evaluation for both her mental health and for any substance abuse issues she may be experiencing.
Poor James
Another part of the deal was that Amber was allowed to have three unsupervised visits a week with James — two of the visits would take place on a weekday and they’d each be three hours long, but then she’d get him for ten hours on either Saturday or Sunday.
So Much Free Time
So when you consider that she has to stay in the state of Indiana and she’s only allowed to have her son for a limited amount of time, and also that she’s not super active in her daughter’s life … the girl has a lot of free time, right?
Hooray!
And what better way to spend all that free time besides spending hours and hours on Instagram Live?!
Dang
Amber really has been spending an unhealthy amount of time on Instagram Live lately — she’s been on several times this week, usually for hours at a time.
So Sad
She says the same things over and over — she’s innocent, everyone says negative things about her because they’re jealous, etc.
Uh Oh
A few days ago she seemingly threatened the YouTuber that’s been releasing the recordings of her being awful to Andrew, so, you know, that’s not great.
Girl
And this morning … well, this morning she went off again.
So Much Anger
We weren’t able to catch the whole thing, but from what we heard, she’s still got a whole lot of feelings about what happened in court.
Interesting
As part of her plea deal, the charge about the machete was dropped and she pled guilty to just the domestic violence charge, and since she wasn’t convicted of criminal recklessness with a deadly weapon, she seems to think that means that there’s literally no way it could have ever happened.
OK
In her video, she insisted that she never did anything with a machete, despite the evidence we’ve now seen of it: we’ve heard the audio from the July 4th fight in which Amber can be heard referencing the machete, and there’s also a photo of a door in the home with marks on it from where she allegedly hacked at it.
Um
She said it was ridiculous for Teen Mom fans to think that she could have done something like that when we’ve all been praising her for ten years for always telling the truth and being so strong — seriously, she said that.
Nope
And when someone brought up the fact that she was also violent with Gary more than once, she seemed to get angry and wrote if off because it happened so long ago and “Everybody slips up.”
Enter Matt
She then brought up Matt Baier, who has recently claimed she was violent with him, too.
Suuuure
This part was pretty weird and went on for a long time — see, Matt has been giving statements and doing interview with the previously mentioned YouTuber who leaked all the Andrew recordings.
What?
According to Amber, that woman must be interested in Matt romantically to be speaking with him so much, because that makes sense, right?
A Warning
Amber said that she wasn’t the abusive one in her relationship with Matt — intead, she said that he beat her horribly all the time.
Allegations
She said that would slap her, punch her in the face, and even spit in her face — sometimes while he had chewing tobacco in his mouth.
All Right Then
She claimed that he beat her every day, but she never told anyone or had him arrested because she loves everybody. And sure, that doesn’t really make sense, but that’s what she said.
Gary to the Rescue
When she was really starting to get going about Matt, Gary hopped on. He left a comment that read “Ammmmmmmmmmmber,” and then she got a phone call so the video ended — lots of people think that it was actually Gary calling to tell her to chill.
And She’s Back!
A few minutes later she came back, and it looked like she’d calmed down a lot. She started off this new video by saying that she’s said her piece and that she’s done with all of this, which, yeah, we’ll believe that when we see it.
Cool
She made sure to point out that she didn’t threaten anyone this time, and told her followers that she’s working on herself and trying to learn to love herself.
Really?
“I just don’t want the drama,” she said, which may very well be the wildest thing we’ve ever heard from her.
Nooo
She must have realized how crazy that sounded, because then she acknowledged that she was angry, but she also said that she had a right to be angry, just like anyone has a right to be angry when “wrong is being done to you.”
Totally Believable
She took some time to insist again that she really is done with all this, and she said that she knows that someday everyone else will be done with it too.
So Bizarre
She told her fans she loved them, and then finally put her phone down … for now.
One Crazy Ride
So it’s painfully obvious now that she sees herself as the real victim in all of this, right? Not the guy she abused, not her totally innocent son who witnessed the abuse, but her.
Honestly Though
And we imagine it will only be a matter of time — a matter of hours, more specifically — until she’s back on Instagram, trying to make everyone feel sorry for her.
If Only
We’d say that we hope she comes to her senses, that she realizes what she’s done to the people she’s supposed to have cared about, but this is Amber we’re talking about here. So … let’s just hope she manages to stay of Instagram, OK?