Unfortunate names are, well, unfortunate. And hilarious. Here are 49 funny names that are totally real.
Kash Register
Please tell us this man did not get arrested for knocking over a convenience store. Or that this is what he stole. Please.
Jack Mehoff
This guy totally slipped this name past the newscaster, right? This can’t possibly be real?!
Anass Rhammer
This guy drives a cab. Maybe don’t get into his cab if you want to get where you’re going without the delay of a traffic violation.
Airwrecka McBride
1) We hope she’s not a pilot. 2) At least her parents didn’t name her “Homewrecka.”
B.J. Worthy
Wonder if putting this on the real estate signs helps the houses sell faster? “Total Must See!”
Chubby Cox
Well, you know what they say about really tall guys…
David Seaman
If only David were a sailor.
Dickie Head
Not that Dick Head would be any better, but Dickie?
Donald Duck
QUACK!
Velociraptor
These parents win the coolest parents ever award.
Rusty Kuntz
Unfortunate doesn’t begin to describe this.
Dr. Dick L. Ong
We’re at least 87% sure the reason this guy uses his middle initial is the subliminal message his name sends.
Dr. Will Tickel
As opposed to “the doctor will see you now…”
Dr. Dooms
This person’s parents were obviously comic book fans.
Dr. Whet Faartz
Why, oh why, can’t this man be a proctologist??
Flavour Balls
High school prank or real name? Please say evil, super mean prank!
Speed Weed
We’re not sure this is legal in Colorado.
Fuzzy von Stauffenburg
Fuzzy. Von Stauffenburg. Fuzzy stuffed sausages come to mind and we immediately want to barf.
Dick Smothers
Dick Smothers would be a terrible way to die.
Muffin Lord
He’s not just the Muffin MAN. He’s the Muffin LORD. But does he live on Drury Lane?
Cumming Cherry
So many terrible porn jokes here.
Jesus Condom
How many oops babies happened after someone uttered this phrase?
Dr. Doctor
Give us some news!
Tahra Dactyl
Being able to fly would be totally cool.
Lawless Love
Is this the same thing as, like, reckless abandon?
Ivana Mandic
Dr. Dick L. Ong is the doctor for her!
Harry Hole
Brazilian waxing would blow this guy’s mind.
Poprah
The Pope and Oprah’s illegitimate child? Wishful naming on the part of the parents that she’ll either grow up to be the second richest woman in the world or the leader of the Church?
Pickles Dansie
This just brings to mind images of floppy pickles wiggling around.
Joe McCool
ALMOST as cool as Joe Cool. Almost.
Mary Jane Puffer
This is Miley Cyrus’ alias.
Ginger T. Rex
Who knew the Tyrannosaurus was a redhead?
Krystal Ball
Someone put her on MSNBC to predict the future of the economy, STAT!
Schmuck
If only his first name were Poor.
Dick Butz
Dick Butz would get along really well with Anass Rhammer. BFF4LYFE.
Ha Ha Clinton-Dix
Ha Ha. Ha ha ha. Ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha.
Chris P. Bacon
Mmmmm. Bacon.
Jack Goff
Now THIS guy is probably not making up his name just to get on TV.
Jolly Mangina
At least he’s happy about it?
Man With Bizarre Name
Is this Jesus?
The MacDonald-Bergers
The world would be complete if we learned that they chose to hyphenate their last names after the wedding.
Mister Love
Dear Mister Love, that’s not how it works, you jerk. Glad you were arrested.
Patrick Molesti
We’re hoping he’s not wanted for what his name suggests and is, instead, guilty of jaywalking or something.
Peter Ubersechs
This guy knows his way around the bedroom. Or he did. When he was young.
Sue Yoo
No, we’ll sue YOU!
Willie Stroker
Willie Stroker does not have our vote, but…
Young Boozer
Young Boozer definitely does. By a landslide.
North West
YES, she’s adorable. She totally is. But there’s no denying her parents gave her a totally terrible name.
Chuck Norris
No, not THAT Chuck Norris. The other one.