If you have yet to witness the trainwreck that is Lindsay Lohan's Beach House, allow us to give you a brief recap.
(This won't take long, as every episode is exactly the same.)
Basically, a bunch of good-looking Real World rejects suffer in indentured servitude at Lindsay's oceanside brothel.
A few times an episode, Lindsay flounces into the scene -- always shot in extreme soft focus -- and does her best Strung-Out Lisa Vanderpump impression.
The routine is amusing despite itself, not only because Lindsay has hilariously cast herself as the sage voice of reason, but also because it's fun to get a glimpse at an alternate timeline in which LVP's hobbies include buying cocaine, using cocaine, and talking about buying and using cocaine.
But it begs the question -- are we just making "LiLo is on drugs" jokes out of habit, or is she really as high as she seems?
For the answer, we turn to former Beach House cast member Kailah Casillas.
Casillas didn't last very long in Lindsay's Grecian hellscape, but now that she's been fired, she's offering up some intensely amusing accounts of exactly what went down
First, the former The Challenge star opened up to Us Weekly and revealed that she's of the opinion that Lindsay has definitely not changed her ways:
“I didn’t see her doing any drugs; I can’t say that I did,” Kailah told the magazine.
“I will say, in my own opinion, throughout all of the time that I was there, she was far from sober. But that’s my own personal opinion.”
Kailah went on to allege that Lindsay didn't like her from the start, saying:
“The very first day that I was there, I went up to Lindsay without a camera with me and tried to shake her hand and say, ‘Hi, I’m Kailah, I’m one of the new ambassadors. I wanted to introduce myself.’
"I feel like that’s a pretty normal thing to do but from that moment, she gave me, like, an evil eye and a handshake where it wasn’t really a handshake. I realized from that moment that she did not like me.”
Reps for LiLo fired back that the former actress harbored no ill will toward any of her staff, and Casillas was fired for “her inappropriate, mean girl comments will not be tolerated or taken seriously.”
Yes, Lindsay has her reps reference the one successful movie she's been involved with in the past 20 years, and yes, the woman who forces her staff to perform sex acts on customers is criticizing others for "inappropriate" behavior.
Casillas went on to reveal that Lindsay appeared to be “on another different f--king planet" during Kailah's short time at the beach house.
On her vlog, Casillas recounted an incident in which a seemingly intoxicated Lindsay screamed at her DJ to play Eminem.
Lohan proceeded to slur along to four songs in a row as all present cringed in secondhand humiliation.
“All of us, the cast members, were standing there like what is going on, this is so f--king embarrassing,” Kailah said.
Kailah concluded by saying her time on Beach House was very different from her previous reality experiences:
“I’m used to being on The Challenge, it’s very straight forward, there’s no bullsh-t that goes on there,” Kailah said.
“I mean, there is, there’s drama and stuff but it’s always very clear what’s going on… this is not that kind of situation. I just felt lost the whole entire time I was there. I didn’t feel like myself at all.”
“I think she really fired me because I was outspoken and she didn’t really like that too much,” Casillas added.
“She’s probably been surrounded by a bunch of yes-men all her life and no one really speaks up to her or talks back. Even some of the cast members are still doing that..”
Sounds like you can take Lindsay out of LA, but you can't take the truly distressing quantity of illicit drugs out of Linday's bloodstream. Sad!