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** Suppressing laughter and dances of jubilee throughout post **

This isn’t funny, people. Lindsay Lohan became a victim of major theft grand theft victim at Heathrow Airport in London on Thursday.

Scotland Yard told TMZ that a “theft of a bag at Heathrow Airport was reported to police by a 20-year-old woman.” Sources say the contents of the missing bag were over $1 million – or just a few bucks more than the number of guys bedded by the victim. Last month.

Lindsay and Bader Image

Police continued that “it is alleged that as the woman exited the Terminal One building, she noticed that an orange Hermès handbag was missing from her suitcase trolley.” Reportedly, it contained “a quantity of jewelry.”

Perhaps an engagement ring from Harry Morton (pictured above with his trashy girlfriend) was included?

Lindsay’s rep, Leslie Sloane, confirmed that the theft occurred and her client is extremely slutty upset about the loss of personal belongings.

“She is begging for the return of the items,” Sloane said. “She doesn’t care how she gets them back, she just wants her stuff back.”

So, robber, if you’re reading this: you made Firecrotch cry. You’re our hero.

** Now we’re the ones crying: within minutes of this post, reports surfaced that the bag was recovered ** 

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